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For People with ADHD & Those Who Love Them |
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Cogmed Working Memory Training Outline: Everything You Want To Know About ADHD
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Return to ADDvisor Volume 2 2000 Index Number 7 April 1, 2000
In this issue: 1. Personal comments 2. Quote 3. Homework Solutions
PERSONAL COMMENTS
We have been struck this past month with how many parents are truly exhausted from the high maintenance task of raising their ADHD children. The amount of information that needs to be absorbed about school issues, behavioral problems, homework problems, dating, driving, friendships, parenting, responsibility, college, etc., etc. is truly mind_boggling. Becoming an expert, ADHD parent can be an exhausting and daunting task. We sincerely hope that our efforts can provide a little support, a little relief, and a little encouragement to help your own your way. Please feel free to call on us as the parent who posed this question did. We would like to be someone that you can count on.
QUOTE
Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it - Ted Engstrom
HOMEWORK SOLUTIONS
Question - I am the mother of a 15 year old ADHD teen. My son refuses to do his homework. We have tried the reward program. We said "If you get X credits this year we will give you a bonus in June, such as $20.00 for every successful credit. He seems quite receptive at the time but as time goes on he loses interest and says he does not care about the money. We have tried revoking privileges. My son still refuses to do his homework and he makes our lives a living hell when he is on restriction. Now I am at the point of letting him suffer the consequences of failing because I think he needs to know that ultimately the homework issue belongs to him. I am completely drained at this point. Hello "Mom": Thank you for your question. Although it is rather complex I will do the best I can to write a clear response. 1) Because you're having difficulty with homework completion it is possible that he is unable to attend to his homework for a very long period of time. This could be a medication issue. Completing ADHD questionnaires at home and at school to determine a level of impairment may be helpful. If impairment is apparent an adjustment of his medication may be in order. 2) If this is strictly a homework issue and his functioning in most other areas is sufficient, then a behavioral approach may be warranted. The first problem I see with your description is that your reward program provided rewards that were much too far in the future. Because of their problem with time ADHD kids need immediate rewards. For a high school age youngster weekly rewards would probably be most appropriate. Setting up a reward program is an important intervention for most ADHD kids. If done correctly significant behavior changes (including homework completion) are often achieved. Obviously, the key is setting them up correctly. 3) I do not agree with "letting him suffer the consequences of failing" because these negative consequences also occur much too far in the future for them to have an impact on him. Unfortunately, because of this time delay he will not learn anything except that he is a failure. 4) Another possibility for his homework refusal is a lack of motivation triggered by the continuous academic struggles that are common with ADHD children. When they try and fail and try and fail and try and fail it is a normal response to give up. Homework assignments may need to be made much more achievable by shortening them, and by ensuring that he's capable of completing the work assigned. 5) In order for your son to "get back in the homework game" he's going to have to see a payoff for himself. This payoff will probably not come at first from successfully completed homework but from the artificial rewards set up in the reward program. Later, successful completion of the homework itself may become rewarding. 6) Because of the nature of ADHD it may be that he will always require significant external rewards in order for him to complete homework or other tasks. This will be especially true for tasks that are boring or uninteresting to him. 7) I'm not surprised here you say, "I am completely drained at this point". As with many other parents of ADHD children yours is a high maintenance job. "Burnout", depression and feeling overwhelmed are common parental responses. Please take some time for your yourself. Join your local CHADD support group, have a regular night out with some friends, go to a regularly scheduled exercise class, find some way to take care of yourself. If you are "burned_out" you will be of much less help to your son. Also not addressed here, are the role that anxiety and depression may play in this homework completion picture. These can also interfere with motivation, persistence and confidence. I would also like to invite you to attend our teleconference meetings. Watch our newsletter for days and times of our free telephone teleconferences or join us for our regular teleconference for parents that meets on alternate Fridays. To register send an email to Alan@ADDvisor.com with your name, email address, city and state, phone number, and the ages of your ADHD children. State that you would like to join our Friday parent group. We will send you information along with the special phone number for you to call to be connected to our conference call. I would very much look forward to talking with you. If you would like to speak with the personally please feel free to give me a call at 614-252 -4800. I hope this response has been of some help. Obviously because of space limitations it is lacking in some detail. An entire book could be written to answer your question. Please do whatever you can to keep your faith and motivation. You are the most important person in your son's life. Your help will increase his odds of success immeasurably. Kindest Regards, William B. Benninger, Ph.D. (Bill) CONTACT INFORMATION _______________________ Alan R. Graham, Ph.D. Bill Benninger, Ph.D. ADDvisor.com Voice: 1-866-ADDvisor Fax: 847-824-2386 Email: Alan@ADDvisor.com Bill@ADDvisor.com Web: www.ADDvisor.com (c) Copyright 2000 ADDvisor.com, Ltd. All rights reserved The above material may be retransmitted or distributed to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site. Republication of "The ADDvisor" in paper media is encouraged and permitted by organizations and associations which serve parents of ADHD children at the national, state and/or local level as long as the issue is reprinted in its entirety without charge and includes the contact information. With advance permission, we are happy to edit an issue to fit your space requirements. Republication is also encouraged under other circumstances, however, the advance permission of ADDvisor.com, Ltd. must be obtained in the event that changes in the text are desired or republication is to be made by individuals or by organizations other than those mentioned above.
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Questions or comments? Send e mail to Alan@ADDvisor.com
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