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Return to ADDvisor Volume 3 2001 Index
Number 1, January 1, 2001 In this issue: 1. Discussing Sex With Your Child 2. Our Email Policy 3. Resource - The Preteen's First Book About Love, Sex and AIDS
DISCUSSING SEX WITH YOUR CHILD
A teenage boy walked into a drugstore and rather sheepishly asked the clerk, "How much are a package of condominiums?" After thinking moment, the clerk said, "Oh, you must mean condoms; they are five dollars box." The teenager laid a five-dollar bill on the counter and the clerk set out a box of condoms. The boy was about to leave when the clerk stopped him and asked, "What about the tax?" A bit perplexed at first, the teenager broke into and delighted grin saying, "Oh, is that how I keep those things on!" Needless to say, sexual information, values and attitudes are learned. Some are learned from school, some from television and movies, some from friends or siblings, some from religious programs and some from parents. Whether you like it or not, your teenager has already learned a lot about your sexual values from your interaction with your spouse and the statements and attitudes you have subtly or not so subtly expressed over the years. Unfortunately, because of their impulsivity, teenagers with ADHD have a higher percentage of sexually related problems than teenagers in the non- ADHD population. If you don't want to leave this most important part of your child's education to chance, is essential that you join in the conversation. How can you do this? The most important step in this process is to create an atmosphere of openness, honesty and acceptance regarding sexual information. Although easier said than done, here are some suggestions for getting started: 1. Thoughtfully comment on TV, newspaper or other commentary regarding sexual issues. Don't lecture. Comment in a noncritical, thoughtful manner, and ask, "What you think about that?" Don't criticize their answers. Try to continue the discussion using an accepting, open ended, nonjudgmental style. 2. Look in the library for age-appropriate books and that the video store for age appropriate videos. Read and watch them together. This provides frequent opportunities to ask, "What do you think about that?" and to offer your nonjudgmental opinion. Giving examples from your growing up years can be a significant help. Don't be discouraged if you're teenager avoids brief discussions. They are uncomfortable. The only way to increase their comfort level is to continue to raise these in a nonjudgmental manner. Borrow or purchase the book, The Preteen's First Book About Love, Sex and AIDS, by Michelle Harrison, M.D. and read it together. 3. Don't wait too long to start this process. If the door has not been opened prior to ages 13 or 14, the adolescent will be more likely to reject whatever you say, simply because of the normal drive for independence that occurs at this age. Age-appropriate information can be communicated as early as age five or six, and is often prompted by the "Where do I come from?" questions. As the child grows older and develops abstract thinking skills, very important questions arise for such as "What is love?" For a thoughtful adult discussion on, "What is love?" Read Section 2-"Love" from The Road Less Traveled, by Scott Peck, M.D. Additional questions of importance may include: What is the difference between infatuation and love? Why do people have sex? What are good and not so good reasons for having sex? What is birth control? When and why do you use it? What are sexually transmitted diseases and how do you contract them? Obviously there are no easy answers to all these questions. That is why open communication is essential. As outlined in The Preteen's First Book About Love, Sex and AIDS, there are "road signs" for us to help as we live our lives. Road signs that can help teenagers make healthy sexual, as well as, life choices include:
If you can find time (while riding in the car, eating dinner together, or at a quiet time in the evening) to briefly address each of these as related to sexuality and life in general, both you and you're teenager will be greatly enriched. ================= OUR EMAIL POLICY ================= We view the ADDvisor as an opportunity for our subscribers to share knowledge and experience with others. You may send us your questions and your responses to other subscriber’s questions via email and we will publish them in the ADDvisor Q&A. Of course, as our community grows we may not be able to publish all questions and responses. If for any reason, you want your email communication to us to remain confidential, please indicate that in your email.
RESOURCE
The Preteen's First Book About Love, Sex and AIDS, by Michelle Harrison, M.D. Read this book together with your child.
CONTACT INFORMATION _______________________ Alan R. Graham, Ph.D. Bill Benninger, Ph.D. ADDvisor.com Voice: 1-866-ADDvisor Fax: 847-824-2386 Email: Alan@ADDvisor.com Bill@ADDvisor.com Web: www.ADDvisor.com (c) Copyright 2001 ADDvisor.com, Ltd. All rights reserved The above material may be retransmitted or distributed to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site. Republication of "The ADDvisor" in paper media is encouraged and permitted by organizations and associations which serve parents of ADHD children at the national, state and/or local level as long as the issue is reprinted in its entirety without charge and includes the contact information. With advance permission, we are happy to edit an issue to fit your space requirements. Republication is also encouraged under other circumstances, however, the advance permission of ADDvisor.com, Ltd. must be obtained in the event that changes in the text are desired or republication is to be made by individuals or by organizations other than those mentioned above.
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