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For People with ADHD & Those Who Love Them |
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Cogmed Working Memory Training Outline: Everything You Want To Know About ADHD
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Return to ADDvisor Volume 3 2001 Index Number 24 December 17, 2001 In this issue: 1. Taking a Disability Perspective 2. Resource - Women with Attention Deficit Disorder ========================================== TAKING A DISABILITY PERSPECTIVE ========================================== Last year around this time we shared the holiday notes of a teenage boy with ADHD to his family. We would like to share these same notes again this year as a way of reminding parents of a number of very important things. First, keep a disability perspective, despite the struggles that this family endures they have done an admirable job of letting their child know that they still love him and are willing to work at helping him improve. They know, and he knows, that he has a disability that puts some big bumps in the road, but they are all willing to work on keeping his "car on the road". It does swerve off from time to time. We have to "go back to the drawing board" to try to prevent and correct problems – but we all keep trying. We know he is trying hard to even though he continues to have problems. Second, we work at helping him to find his "islands of competence". He has many strong qualities that we try to identify and maximize while helping him steer away from weaker areas. Finally, we are always working on helping him to maintain a positive self-image. Hitting some potholes in the road doesn’t make him a bad person. Making a bad decision doesn’t make him a bad person. Having a disability that he struggles with doesn’t make him a bad person. Believing in himself and his abilities is the best approach. This has been a year of ups and downs for Tom. He has not passed all of his subjects in school, he has spent some time in the Detention Center, he has made some poor and impulsive decisions. On the other hand, he has passed many of his courses and is determined to complete high school even if it takes him a little longer than his classmates. He has been employed by a local pizza parlor and is a valuable employee. He and his family remain dedicated to maximizing his chances for a happy and productive life and to each other. Now, the holiday notes. The following letters were shared with me, for the first time, in the holiday season of 2000. They were written by Tom, a 15-year-old boy and his family during a recent appointment and used here with their permission. Although he was diagnosed with ADHD (combined type) many years ago his response to medication has been only partially successful. Tom and his family work hard to manage the ADHD symptoms that the medication doesn't help, however, despite all their efforts, he continues to have frequent difficulties with school achievement, socialization, rule following behavior and respectful behavior. His parents work hard and continuously to help him manage these behaviors through school programs, out of school programs, counseling appointments, home structure, ADHD education programs and immediate accountability. Because they have kept a disability perspective and avoided blaming Tom for mistakes and putting him down (despite the temptation to do so) he has remained grateful for his parents’ efforts. In the long run, all of this effort will pay off. Tom will be successful. Take heart ADHD parents of the world.
Roger, (brother-name changed) These last couple of years have had to their ups and downs. Thank you for hanging in there with me. Your patience is very well appreciated I am really trying to do better to. You are the best brother and more than that my best friend. I will love you forever. Merry Christmas Love, Tom (name changed) XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Dad, I know that we've been through some rough times and no matter what I have done you have always been there for me. I don't know what else I can say but "Thank You". You are the best father a son could ever have! I will try my best to do better. I love you more than words can explain and I always will. Love, Tom
Mom, Just wanted to let you know that no matter how many times we "lock horns " or argue you are the Best! Words can't describe a mom like you. I am sorry about everything I have given you grief about and I will really try to be better. Again you are the best and I will love you forever. You are the best! Merry Christmas!! Love, Tom XOXOXOXO (The wording inside this card says: "Don't sweat the details, mom, and try to have a merry Christmas!")
I believe Tom speaks for many ADHD kids some of whom can’t or won’t express themselves this clearly and openly but feel this way all the same. ================================================ RESOURCE _ WOMEN WITH ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER ================================================ Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden is an excellent exploration of the unique challenges adult women with ADHD face.
CONTACT INFORMATION _______________________ Alan R. Graham, Ph.D. Bill Benninger, Ph.D. ADDvisor.com Voice: 1-866-ADDvisor Fax: 847-824-2386 Email: Alan@ADDvisor.com Bill@ADDvisor.com Web: www.ADDvisor.com (c) Copyright 2001 ADDvisor.com, Ltd. All rights reserved The above material may be retransmitted or distributed to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site. Republication of "The ADDvisor" in paper media is encouraged and permitted by organizations and associations which serve parents of ADHD children at the national, state and/or local level as long as the issue is reprinted in its entirety without charge and includes the contact information. With advance permission, we are happy to edit an issue to fit your space requirements. Republication is also encouraged under other circumstances, however, the advance permission of ADDvisor.com, Ltd. must be obtained in the event that changes in the text are desired or republication is to be made by individuals or by organizations other than those mentioned above.
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